Assistant for Hire! (If I could only do this in real life)

On my worst days, or on days like today, I would seriously love to put this ad in our local paper. Daddy J usually insists that I enlist MIL’s help when I’m sick. She’s like a bull in a china closet at times. I don’t think I could remain calm with her around in a tense situation.

This is how my ad would read:


Personal Assistant for a stay-at-home mother of two. Must follow directions, have exemplary attention to detail, and above all else, love children. Note: you will not be a nanny. Raising the kids is my job. You will be on call, taking over as necessary when I ask between the hours of 8 am and 5 pm. When I am sick and desperately need assistance, an advance list or text message will be available for reference. You may need to be here for an indefinite amount of time, since I don’t know how long I will be ill. This person must heat breast milk properly and feed a 5 month old on demand. This person must also have the energy I lack to keep up with a 22.5 month old. Yes, I would prefer that you are female, not because I don’t love good dads, but I need that motherly instinct. Mama bears kick ass. If you are willing to tell my MIL to chill when she gets too pushy well-intentioned and field my other calls/requests, that would be fabulous. If you could take over bargain hunting and coupon clipping while I’m sick as a dog, that would be great, as well. An entrance interview is required, as is a quiz when initial applicants are called for a second interview. Listening skills, empathy, and rapport will be tested. I will pick the best assistant based on your willingness and perceived competency to complete all of the above. I might sound anal, but I promise I’m quite nice. Ole!


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