My Thoughts On: The Royal Baby

First of all, congratulations to the royal couple! It took me a while to get caught up in the hullabaloo that is everyone’s fascination with the Royals, but hey, I made it.

Daddy J and I were talking about it after the announcement as made on CNN. “Eight pounds, six ounces? That’s not a big baby.”

This is because A2 was nine pounds, 4.6 ounces.

Before we talk about my birth, let’s talk about all the splendor surrounding Kate’s. I cannot understand how the British media and the rest of London forgot how long it takes to have a baby, especially a first baby. She was in labor for 14 hours. When I had A1, I was in labor for 15 hours, 21 minutes (I was induced). I hope plenty of fish, chips, tea, crumpets, mutton, and other goodies were passed around. It must have been quite the campout.

Being due in July is no picnic. A1 was born on the 11th of this month. I was 10 days past my due date and ready to smack the bejesus out of anyone who said, “You should have the baby on my birthday” or “Did you have that baby yet? (<—–Thanks, Facebook.) Furthermore, those heavy English maternity frocks make me hotter than hell just looking at them. I know it's traditional, but for crap's sake, she must be dying in there. I couldn’t believe she had the energy to don one of those crazy hats every day, too.

I’ve delivered an eight pound baby and a nine pound baby. Both are hard to deliver, but let me tell you, a nine pound baby is hard to carry.

Both of my kids turned early. A2 turned at 31.5 weeks, and since I’m short (5’2″), I carry low. (I also had girls, so that debunks that gender myth.) I had pelvic girdle syndrome, and back pain from hell. Carrying a 17 1/2 month old didn’t really help, either.

My second labor was 10 hours, and felt like a breeze. It took me 15 minutes to deliver A2. Her head came right out, but then my OB told me to stop pushing. I heard the words that stop most practitioners in their tracks. “Shoulder dystocia.” Oh, shit. She is wider than my birth canal, I thought.

The OB and lead nurse tried the Woods maneuver, which involved spinning A2 around. No dice. The lead nurse then pushed on the top of my uterus as hard as she could to free A2’s left shoulder. She finally slid out after that. I had a one degree tear (over my previous episiotomy, which puts you at risk). I also lost a ton of blood and passed out an hour after she was born.

A1’s head was as big was A2’s shoulders at birth. It felt like I was pushing out a softball. A2’s head only created that burning sensation when she started to crown; A1’s did the entire time. My former OB (this gentleman is now retired) performed an episiotomy, and I had four stitches. Other than feeling loopy from Stadol and tired from pushing for an hour and 45 minutes, I was fine. No major blood loss.

Kate is a tall and thin girl. You couldn’t even tell she was carrying a baby that size. I’m willing to bet she had her work cut out for her when she delivered. I hope she is resting comfortably and nursing/bottle feeding her baby. I wish her all the best.

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