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Monkey-See, Monkey-Do, Monkey Throw Poo-poo At You

A great entry about our little emulators!

momaste

Over the last couple years, it seems our privacy as Americans is in question.  People seem obsessed with whether or not their phones, personal computers, or private lives are being spied on.  These rumors about being watched have become a trend I hear about almost daily on NPR.

Currently trending in my house, baby dolls.  Emily is NUTS for baby dolls.  She has a natural nurturing streak.  The other day, I caught her tucking her doll snugly into the doll crib with blankets she purloined from her own bed.  She bent and tenderly kissed dolly on the forehead.

“Nigh nigh beebee,” she cooed.  “Hush, beebee.”

I gasped, clutching my heart with tears in my eyes as I watched her play out our nightly bedtime ritual with her doll.  I mentally patted myself on the back for modeling love and compassion in a way that enabled her to learn how to…

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Random Kindness To A Mother’s Heart

momaste

20130503-160427.jpgOur neighbor is a college professor in early childhood education.  We don’t know her well, but all signs point to her being a lovely individual.  She lives in the second floor apartment of the house next door to us, and her office windows open onto our yard.

When Jack was a toddler, she made a point, on more than one occasion, of stopping to talk to us for a moment over the fence.  “I love to hear the two of you play,” she would say.  “You always have the nicest conversations.”

Her words touched me.  Jack was very verbal from an early age, and I loved my chats with him over the sandbox or flowerbed about nature, trucks, or animals.  Both my husband and I had infinite patience for Jack’s endless curiosity and chatter.

Flash forward four years.

We had Emily and in our constant state of emotional and physical…

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Caught Unprepared

The Musings of a Jewish Stay-At-Home Father

Where do babies come from?

Why can’t I take candy from strangers?

Why is the sky blue?

Why do people like football?

These questions, while difficult for a parent to answer, are generally expected in the early years of a child’s development. From the moment you find out that you’re going to be a parent, you know these questions are coming, so why not spend a little time crafting the perfect answer in advance.

I’m given to understand that most parents(you know, the ones who actually give a darn and make the rest of us look bad) will try to give their children answers that get progressively more honest as the child gets older. In regards to the babies question, when a child is young, they’ll say that the baby grows in Mama’s tummy, and leave it at that. When the child is older, they might explain how the baby…

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Church and Preschoolers

A year ago, I was nine months pregnant (exactly) and attended Christmas Eve church service with a 17-month-old. I refused to go, but Daddy J insisted. It was annoying then. Everyone kept asking me if I was ok. NO! I have pelvic girdle syndrome, I’m hot, I’m huge, I’m sick of people asking me questions, and my toddler is being an asshole. Ugh.

Fast forward to A1’s Sunday School play.

The play was cute. A1 was an angel, and she did a good job. Then, we had to sit through the service.

A2 is almost one. She is a pain when it comes to sitting still. She is the poster child for the “go go go” baby. She squirms. She cries. She makes noise. She acts up if there isn’t a boob in her mouth. I can never pay attention to the service. It’s annoying and embarrassing.

I really despise going to church now. It isn’t fun. Coffee hour is the only good part. I can finally have an adult conversation—WITH ADULTS!! We stay for a short time, and then we have to leave. I feel like a contestant from Survivor who has just left the island, sunburnt and wasted from days of starvation. I lived!

It was much the same as Daddy J’s alumni concert. I don’t think I can take them to any location that isn’t Walmart, the grocery store, relatives’ houses, or anywhere that has distractions for kids.

My AIL was stupid enough to ask if we brought toys. Yes, we bring fucking toys. I’m pretty sure her behavior won’t change.

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Back in the Saddle

And I hoping I don’t want to kill myself in the process.

We have started potty training again. It’s unfortunate that I already have severe anxiety all the time as it is, so it’s hard for me to stay calm all the freaking time. I’m not sure how neurotypicals do it, but as challenging as it is for everybody, today I feel like it’s worse for me.

There are a few things out there I wish I could see more about, and others I wish I’d never heard.

Why is it that every potty training article is either written by a woman with one child or one with six kids? One has it way easier than me, and the other makes me feel like a stupid novice. Must be nice , I say to myself.

A1 has all the signs, has peed, but is a stubborn pain in the ass. She flips out as soon as I ask her if she has to go. She told Daddy J she would let him know if she has to go. We’ll see about that. I feel like she gravitates to Daddy, because he’s the “calm” one. This is good, I guess. She won’t even talk to me right now, and I didn’t even yell at her or anything. I guess I’m not the potty escort candidate.

I made a potty chart with stickers. She doesn’t even seem motivated. She refuses to pee. I’d use food as a reward, but eating is another battle. She watches Go Fish and all this other crap on YouTube, and that doesn’t work.

I know, everyone will tell me, “Well, you just have to find something that works.” Thanks. I know. Right now, nothing works, and if I could actually find an article written by a mother with a two and a half year old and an eleven month old who is potty training the older child, that would be great.

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My Adventures in Fluff Pt. II

Greetings, my friends! The rampant stomach flu just made it’s descent on the A home this week. I’m on day four of my Z-pack (azithromycin).

So far, I have anywhere from 26-30 diapers in my collection. As I recall, I assessed my favorite types according to ease of use, time of day, &c.

Here, in no particular order, are my favorite brands:

1. GroVia. This is a light weight diaper in beautiful, vibrant colors that has an easy snap insert. Its versatility is what makes it stand out—daytime, naptime, nighttime, grandma time—everybody got time ‘fo dat. They’re expensive, but worth the money.
2. Sassybumz. This hybrid is made in America (California) by an entrepreneur and mother of three. Great petal inserts, all snap in, and super thick. The patterns are adorable. Mine is the Juliette. This is the perfect naptime and bedtime diaper for heavy wetters.
3. Little Fancy Pants. Very similar to Sassybumz, but has a stocking insert, which is also very thick.
4. Coolababy. This one has easy aplix hook and loop closures for squirmy babies. Their snaps are a pain in the neck, though.

More to come! Stay tuned. 🙂

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My Adventures in Fluff

My cloth diapers, aka “fluffy mail” started arriving a few days ago. My grand total so far is seven.

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Ladies and gentlemen, the first batch!

So far, I have seven diapers. They are pockets, hybrids, and PUL covers. I also have prefolds that didn’t cost me a dime. How? Refer yourself to this video:

I actually don’t fold mine into thirds, but it still works. A2 is what they call a “heavy wetter”, so I put an insert in the body of the shirt where her legs would be. I have diaper pins from my baby shower, so I’ve been using those until my Snappi arrives. If you haven’t seen one, it is an ingenious device created by Bummis, a Scottish cloth diaper company. It is Y shaped (as seen in the above video), and can be stretched to fit various types of prefold material (including my old Aeropostale t-shirts). Each side features grips that adhere to the material, allowing the diaper to stay closed beneath a PUL cover.

I think prefolds are great for daytime use at home. I thought they would be the hardest diapering style to use, but I was proven wrong yesterday. Once you get the diaper secure, it’s a snap—or an aplix hook and loop, depending on the closure.

My first cover is a Tots Bots aplix with a PUL outer. It was formally an all-in-one, but I will elaborate on this later. I used long and short sleeved shirts for this, and nothing has leaked. When I didn’t have any clean inserts, I put a Gerber diaper cover over it, just like my mom did back in the day. It worked!

Hybrids are fabulous for nighttime use. The petal soaker (double-quadruple thickness) is great–no leaks! If it’s dry enough in the morning or after a nap, I can remove the insert and add a new one! Super convenient! If we have an A3 (we’re still deciding), I will exclusively cloth diaper that baby. (When A2 is A1’s age, we’ll know.)

Pocket diapers work well. Many of these already have a PUL outer, and in some cases, like Lovely Pocket Brand, already come with a microfiber insert. If it’s not soaked through, just toss it in the laundry and grab another! Easy peasy.

I will be doing a product review of all the diapers I have purchased thus for, so keep your eyes peeled for these! Until we fluff again!

❤️ Mama J

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Put Shoes On It.

As the slangin’ folk usually say, it’s been a hot minute. We had a yard sale last weekend. Onesies and sleep ‘n’ plays left our tables by the armful on Saturday; on Sunday, not so much. All in all, it went well, $200+ later.

A couple of weeks ago, A1 wanted to go outside. She always says, “Go outside, play! Go outside, play!” Back in the cave speak days, I used tell her to sit on my lap, put a sweatshirt on, and put her shoes on, sometimes while feeling like I am wrestling an octopus.

This time, she really wanted my attention.

“Mommy! Go outside, play!” Then she lifted her bare feet. “Put shoes awn it!” (Yes, that is her actual pronunciation of the word “on”.)

I eventually noticed that other things were “awn.” I was changing her diaper and she saw her My Little Ponies (my vintage ’80s and ’90s ones, which were the only toys my mom kept) in the transparent storage bin next to her closet. “Dere’s ponies awn it.”

If you liked it, then you should’ve put shoes awn it.

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Mean Ladies: A Non-Exhaustive List

Malificent is definitely the female foil of satan…

Twinfamy

Rarely do I experience more drama in my household than when the Twins are deciding which movie to watch. As the Movie Selection Committee consists of two highly opinionated two-year-olds, the deliberation process has been known to inspire tears, tiny fistfights, and even the occasional airborne DVD case. In fact, these pre-movie events often rival the actual movies in both intensity and entertainment value. However, once white smoke emanates from our chimney, alerting the throngs of onlookers and international press gathered on our street that a film has finally been chosen, my daughter invariably reminds me:

“I don’t like the Mean Lady.”

This is because in just about every movie we’re currently watching, she has found a female character that terrifies her, and the moment any of these Mean Ladies are onscreen, she’ll literally run away from the TV to find me (yes, even when I’m on the toilet) and…

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Diapers suck.

I’ve been changing diapers for two and half years, perhaps not as long as some; however, when you wake up to a toddler’s pee soaked sheet and pajamas every day, you get sick of it real quick.

Let’s also mention that I change a nine month old’s diaper all day long. My other favorite task is emptying out diaper pails Fucking Disgusting!

The difference between today and yesterday is both kids peed through their clothing and A1 chose to grab her bath crayons off the dresser, scribbling all over a white sheet…that I just changed yesterday. Thanks a lot, small fry.

You may have seen from previous entries that my attempts to potty train her weren’t successful. She never stays on the toilet. She runs around bottomless and pees on the floor.

You can also factor in an infant who won’t freaking sleep train at all.

48 hours of suck.