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The World According to A1: Elmo Gets A Sex Change

So, another morning begins in the A house. A2 is already awake, fed, and sitting in her Exersaucer. I venture into A1’s room and greet a groggy A1, who makes to make sure (as is custom) her blanket and litany of select stuffed animals make it out of the crib.

I change her soggy Pull-Up, and she points to her private area. “Lady parts”, she says. “Yes, those are your lady parts,” I replied. As I changed her, she picked up her stuffed Elmo.

Elmo has lady parts, too.

I laughed, perhaps a little too hard. “Mommy laughing?” She said, incredulous. I told her I was laughing with her, not at her, and that Elmo
is a boy with boys’ private parts.

She wasn’t convinced. “Elmo has lady parts, too.”

I decided to redirect her. “Abby (Cadabby) is a girl. She has lady parts.”

“Abby! Where’s Abby?”

Abby, unfortunately, is buried under some toys in our PnP. Ain’t nobody got time for that, but Elmo’s got time for lady parts.

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Product Review: Sassybumz Hybrid, Juliette

The first cloth diaper I ever tried was a Sassybumz hybrid. Manufactured in the U.S. (California), by mom Shannon Workman, this finely crafted diaper is guaranteed to hold leaks in during naps, bedtime, or anytime.

My design is Juliette, a beautiful floral pattern in a field of powder blue. The snap-in stocking inserts are fantastic.

Like many cloth diapers, you can find them on Hyena Cart. Get some here:
http://hyenacart.com/stores/Sassybumz/

You can also join the Sassybumz Facebook page here: https://m.facebook.com/SassyBumz

Want to buy or sell on Facebook? Refer yourself to the Buy, Sell, Trade (BST) page:

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Here, Mommy! A poop!

I had a Twinfamy moment.

In John’s archives, I noticed he mentioned his son handed him a special gift whilst on the phone. I was on the couch for this one.

Those who know me IRL know that I have long days staying at home with the kids. Daddy J is usually gone from 7:30-6 or 6:30. Yesterday was no different.

We have resumed potty training A1. Yesterday had a rough start (mostly for me), but then she did it—she peed!!!! I have never been so happy about seeing urine—well, until now.

I was sitting on the couch. I forget whatever activity I was previously engaged in, but after playing near the coffee table a couple of feet away, my little girl came to see me.

“Here, Mommy! A poop.”

Oh, jeez. I couldn’t even thank her. I’m not sure I want any more poops.

“Ok, honey. We don’t touch poop.” I promptly flushed it and the two of us washed our hands.

Today, she handed me an orange ball and a pink ball. A much more pleasant gift exchange.

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Put Shoes On It.

As the slangin’ folk usually say, it’s been a hot minute. We had a yard sale last weekend. Onesies and sleep ‘n’ plays left our tables by the armful on Saturday; on Sunday, not so much. All in all, it went well, $200+ later.

A couple of weeks ago, A1 wanted to go outside. She always says, “Go outside, play! Go outside, play!” Back in the cave speak days, I used tell her to sit on my lap, put a sweatshirt on, and put her shoes on, sometimes while feeling like I am wrestling an octopus.

This time, she really wanted my attention.

“Mommy! Go outside, play!” Then she lifted her bare feet. “Put shoes awn it!” (Yes, that is her actual pronunciation of the word “on”.)

I eventually noticed that other things were “awn.” I was changing her diaper and she saw her My Little Ponies (my vintage ’80s and ’90s ones, which were the only toys my mom kept) in the transparent storage bin next to her closet. “Dere’s ponies awn it.”

If you liked it, then you should’ve put shoes awn it.

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Bee! Bee!

Toddlers are hilarious. The things they say when they figure out the concept of stringing words together is out of this world. Yesterday, the As and I were in A2’s room for a diaper change. A1 had pulled one of her Abby Cadabby books off the shelf.

“Mom-my,” she said in her cute little voice, “Abby eats bluebebbies.” I laughed. “She does?” I said, impressed. “I had no idea.” She is still working on her ‘r’ sounds, so it comes out as ‘b’ or ‘w’.

Also, every insect (or arachnid, since there are plenty of spiders crawling around) is a bee. Flies freak her out. M has a fit every time she sees anything of the order Insecta, and now A1 is imitating her. In fact, when SIL J was pregnant with her, she had a similar fit when a bee came near her. Overreactions run deep, I guess.

Daddy J is part of the chain gang for our local high school’s football team. Parking is usually insane, and the As are too little to sit through that, so I haven’t taken them yet. I decided to send him a photo of A1. Usually, she says “Cheese!”. Not today. A stealthy house fly just had to be in the kitchen. Thank you, family Lepidoptera for gracing us with your presence.

“BEE! BEE!” My toddler screamed. Damn flies, I thought. She also thinks that pieces of “bluebebby” in her yogurt are ‘bees’ if she has just seen one. Here’s some photographic evidence:

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You best “bee” solvin’ this problem for me, Mommy!

She had eaten most of it at that point, so the last few bites were refused after bee time. Thankfully, all the flies are gone now.

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Watch Out for That Toy!

My brother and I had plenty of toys when we were kids. In fact, I enjoy going on eBay and browsing through the 80s and 90s toys that shaped my childhood. According to my mother, my grandparents would say (jokingly, of course) that it looked like a toy store. I wonder what they would say about my house.

We could open a toy store—yesterday.

I’m glad the kids have plenty of toys, and I’m grateful they’ve been giving so many as gifts. Sure, organizing them is a challenge, but at least they’re having fun. One tough part? Trying not to step on things in bare feet.

Being barefoot is a way of life for me. When I was a baby, I kicked off booties (according to my mom), and my feet were always hot. I’m 25% Sicilian, so I’ve inherited the hot, Italian feet. Thanks, Dad.

I have yet to step on Legos as an adult. I stepped on them a couple of times in the past, and the memes are pretty accurate. It is one painful experience.

A1 puts a sea of toys on the floor. It can become an obstacle course. Yesterday, it was a bedtime ABC book that poked me in the foot. Those are some razor sharp corners! She also loves to sort and build, which is great. Then she grabs our shoes, wears them, and leaves them in the middle of the kitchen. If you read my entry about breaking my arm, you know I’m afraid of trip hazards, perhaps more so than the next mom (or so it seems).

I carry A2 and make an effort to avoid the toy maze on the ground. It’s hard work, but I enjoy playing with the toys when I’m at ground level.

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Motorin’

You were probably thinking about this…

You’re close.

A2 sure can’t drive, but she definitely makes up for that on four limbs. For the first time in my parenthood, I’ve had a child under a year old follow me to the next room. In fact, she is approaching the phone as I type this to steal it.

She’s been stopped midway by a teether. Score! 🙂

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Can I be on your blog too, mama?

When I enter the kitchen or the hall, I am followed by a series of cute giggles and squeals. I turn around, and there she is!

I love this age!

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Attack of the Other Mom

Some of my readers who know me IRL probably wonder what inspired my two-part, autobiographical posts.

Here is an indication of how my latest interaction with this young mom went:

I always love Rage Against the Machine when I’m angry. Here’s what happened:

I played with M and A1 after scarfing down my dinner. I prepared her plate. She sat in the chair, and I told her about all the food. She got up from the chair. I picked her up and decided to sit her on my lap. There was no high chair upstairs and they certainly didn’t have a booster seat like mine at my PILs’ house. I put some macaroni salad on the fork, and tried to give it to her. She protested. I told her to take a couple of bites. She started to kick, scream, and have a giant tantrum on me. The bitch My SIL comes over (after my husband apparently informed his family at A1 already ate something before we left, while I was getting ready for this bullshit family event) and the following conversation occurs:

“He said he already fed her a bunch of stuff, so…” She randomly said.
“We’ll, she has to eat something.” I figured a bite or two would suffice.
“Well, you don’t have to force feed her.”
“I’m not force feeding her.”
Then she laid this on me in a snide tone:
“You are force feeding her.”

Oh, no you didn’t.

“I think I know what I’m doing, sweetheart,” I said in a direct tone, looking her straight in the eye. “I have two kids, not one.”

This isn’t the first time she’s spoken like this to me. Then, of course, because no one heard her say that, everyone kept telling me, “She’ll eat when she’s hungry.” I then had to proceed to tell everyone that I didn’t want to discuss it. This includes my 91-year-old GMIL. Do NOT go there with me.

I love hearing a little girl who continually drops off her daughter to avoid taking care of her accuse ME of abusing mine.

I let this woman be in my bridal party. I let her come to my bachelorette party. I made her A1’s godmother. This wasn’t because I wanted to, it was because I was forced to. Because I’d have to hear about it for the rest of my life if I didn’t.

How can she just sit there and criticize me about that after she complained that A1 looked skinny when she was an infant? How do we deal with these characters in our lives?

This is why mothers need to support each other. No one should be bait at a shark fest. Whatever problems we’ve had with each other should have checked at the door. Whatever problems she has with what I post online, do with my kids, or anything else should NOT be called into question by texting my husband about it. She is a crazy gossip who gives decent people absolutely no credit. She bullies and embarrasses people to make herself look good.

This is something I will definitely take into consideration. We moms need strategies when dealing with Other Mom. It is harder when it is family.

Stay tuned for more advice about this. I will be speaking with my therapist soon. Given the history I mentioned in the “I Support A Woman’s Right to Choose” series, this will be a challenge.